Eurydice: In Articulo Mortis
by Eowyn Rivers
Summary: Paris 1990's Sansa a disillusioned seventeen orphan young girl living with her dead mother's friend Petyr Baelish discovers her city's underground movements with her friend Sandor Clegane. Sandor X Sansa /'Sansa X Margaery / Sandor X Sansa X Margaery explicit
1. Whole Lotta Love

"LOUDER LOUDER LOUDER! LOUDER! MAKE IT LOUD ENOUGH FOR THE DEMONS THAT FILL THE SEVEN HELLS TO HEAR!"  
"LOUDER! LOUDER!"

They are screaming like animals.  
I want to yell but I am too occupied admiring them. Unchained. Free spirits. They are all so beautiful like that.  
Next to me, Sandor, my only friend. It's him that brought me in this place.  
My only friend in this world of hatred, despair and treason.  
There is a young girl, maybe even younger than me. She has long purple hair, dark eyes, dark skin, big smile. She makes me think of me, three years ago, when I had parents, brothers, a sister. Now they are dead or gone. And I live with Petyr Baelish, my mother's friend. He is not often home, but it doesn't matter. Nothing matters anymore.

When I'm sad I go to Sandor, he lives in Paris too, but in the north. I met him when I was still friend with the Lannisters, before everything. He is always there for me.  
He brings me in strange places sometimes, some I like, some I don't. I like crowded places where I can scream all my pain, let it fades away through my voice, without anyone judging me. We are all the same after all.

Petyr doesn't know those people, he calls them dropouts. But I don't care.  
Nothing matters.  
They make me feel alive.  
It feels good when you are no longer dead inside, but alive and you want to scream. Louder and louder.  
"Sansa, want a beer?"  
Yes please.  
Once Sandor taught me a poem by Charles Baudelaire, Le Poison  
"Wine knows how to adorn the most sordid hovel  
With marvelous luxury  
And make more than one fabulous portal appear  
In the gold of its red mist  
Like a sun setting in a cloudy sky

Opium magnifies that which is limitless,  
Lengthens the unlimited,  
Makes time deeper, hollows out voluptuousness,  
And with dark, gloomy pleasures  
Fills the soul beyond its capacity."

When people look at us they are not surprised, not here. He is so tall, so strong, with half of his face destroyed by fire. I am smaller, thin with pale skin, and red hair, but there is in my eyes the fire, the strength that my body hides.

I know the song they're playing. It is not a song that makes you want to scream and yell at everything. It makes you want to stop for a while and listen till the silver night sun disappears in the preludes of dawn. Les Dingues et les Paumes. The mad and the dropouts.

It is nearly 4 a.m and I am not sleepy, but there are no metros and it means I will have to sleep at Sandor's. I don't care, did it before.  
Nothing matters anymore.

People ask us if I am his girlfriend. I say yes but they know I'm lying. I'm still not good enough.

I remember when I had dreams, when I thought there was still hope for us. But I learnt the bitter lesson. We are all doomed to a life of sorrow and lonely days.

I found Sandor to dress up the lonely days. Only him and Petyr know what happened to me and my family. He doesn't talk about it, but he understands the shadow deep inside me. I know his too.

I'm not going to school anymore. I couldn't stand to see faceless souls saying loudly what should remain silent. I am working though. In a bookshop. I like it, the woman who owns it is nice with me, she looks like the girl with the blue hair. She knows I am not the nice and calm girl I look like, but she helps me, through the books to contain my rage. I like her.

The music is louder now. A girl is singing one of my favorite songs. Whole Lotta Love. She sings it like it was her first or her last concert. It's beautiful. This time I sing with her.  
Sandor is behind me. Always.  
This time I smile.

* * *

This is terrible. Can't believe I wrote it.  
I own nothing. Don't kill me GRRM


	2. Those subtle scents

3 a.m.

I'm in Sandor's bed, he's on the couch. I don't work today, I could keep sleeping for a while. But Sandor's waking up too, I should leave.

"See you tonight"

Petyr is already home when I arrive. He doesn't ask where I was nor with who. He just kisses me on my forehead and tells me there is food for me in the kitchen. He works for the government, budget secretary. We live in a big house, and still so empty...

I have fours hours before meeting Sandor again. Usually I go out and walk but not now. I want to read the book my boss gave me. An English novel: Tess d'Urberville. She told me to watch the movie too. Ill watch it later, for now I will read during four hours.

I like the book. It's about a woman in England in the XIXth century. She seems so fragile but yet strong. Fooled by men. Like me.

I have trouble identifying myself to novel characters, but I like her. Tess.

I can read for a long time, it keeps me busy, and I stop thinking about the past. It eases my deep anger in a way.

Tonight I am not going to scream and dance. I am going to Sandor's place to watch a movie. Asked me to bring one I liked. I don't know what he likes. I don't really know him, I guess. I bring some food too, we never know.

I remember when I used to wear dresses and skirts, I used to wear make up too. Now I wear jeans, black t shirt and a black hoodie which hides my hair. I'm turning 18 in a week, Sandor says he knows someone who can make me a tattoo not too expensive.

He takes care of me, in a way.

"I brought one of Petyr's movies, Chungking Express by Wong Kar Wai. Haven't seen it. Have you?"

"No."

Sandor is 27. He works in a crappy gym club. His flat is very small, but somehow I like it, it's full of odd stuffs. We planned to leave Paris to Boston. I always dreamt to go there.

Maybe life will be different in USA.

There's still hope after all, even for the mad and the dropouts.

I love the movie. In it there's a girl who wants to go to California and she sings California Dreamin all day long. Makes me feel like her.

If I start identifying myself to fictional character, does it mean that I'm getting better?

"Are you ok lil' bird?"

"Yes Sandor I am. Believe it or not, those are tears of joy."

He takes me in his arms. Oh I love it when he does that.

I feel good.

For once everything is perfect.

"Lil bird, do you remember the poem, the poison?"

"Yes "Wine knows how to adorn the most sordid hovel

With marvelous luxury

And make more than one fabulous portal appear

In the gold of its red mist

Like a sun setting in a cloudy sky

Opium magnifies that which is limitless,

Lengthens the unlimited,

Makes time deeper, hollows out voluptuousness,

And with dark, gloomy pleasures

Fills the soul beyond its capacity.""

"Wanna know what happens next?"

"Yes."

"All that is not equal to the poison which flows

From your eyes, from your green eyes,

Lakes where my soul trembles and sees its evil side...

My dreams come in multitude

To slake their thirst in those bitter gulfs.

All that is not equal to the awful wonder

Of your biting saliva,

Charged with madness, that plunges my remorseless soul

Into oblivion

And rolls it in a swoon to the shores of death."

"I like your eyes too Sandor Clegane."


	3. Post Mortem Sexuality

Explicit sex

* * *

The girl with purple hair is back.

Still beautiful with her dark skin, her red lips, lissome figure...

We look at each other.

"What's your name?"

"Sansa. Yours?"

"Margaery. Your friend's?"

"Sandor."

We stay together for a while, jumping, screaming, singing with the others.

Sandor sometimes talk to his friends. They're nice. But not as much as him.

We drink, of course, but not too much for once.

Her eyes are so beautiful... Pale blue eyes, they see through you like they were admiring the world.

We talk a little with Margaery and Sandor, it's 2 a.m and we want to leave this place.

The night is hot, so hot...

She lives in the most beautiful house I've ever seen... It's empty. Her family is in holidays she tells us.

I count five stairs. And a lift.

She asks us if we have swimming suits because there's a swimming pool upstairs. Of course we don't.

"Well we'll just have to swim naked then."

There's something so mysterious about this girl... Exquisite smile on her lips, malicious eyes..

The swimming pool is beautiful. There are windows everywhere, we can see the Sacred Heart so close, in the Parisian night.

Margaery has nothing but her dress on. She undresses quickly and jump in the pool.

Sandor looks at me and imitates the girl. He is so strong, with his broad shoulders.

Never saw a man naked so close to me.

But it still doesn't matter.

I undress quickly and jump in the pool, I have no particular envy to reveal myself in front of them. But I do want to swim and feel the warm water against my skin.

Suddenly she put a gentle kiss on my cheek. I like it. I like the feeling of her lips against my skin, I want more.

She feels it, the fast beat of my heart.

This time she kisses me on my lips, slowly. I can feel her tongue entering softly my mouth. I love it. I can feel her tongue dancing with mine, her warm breasts on mine.

I dare put my hands on her back. Sweet eternity of a kiss.

She's the one who breaks it.

Then she turns to Sandor, watching us with lust.

Their kiss is brutal, so different than mine. He cups his breasts in his hands, massaging them violently.

She seems to like that.

This time she also breaks the kiss between them. She leaves the pool and invite us to follow her.

She sits on a large bed in front of the pool.

Large enough for six persons to lie down.

"Is he your boyfriend?"

"No."

"Have you ever had sex together."

"No."

"With someone else?"

"No."

She smiles peacefully. She pushes some sort of button and loud music invades the room.

She kisses Sandor again. This time she lies him down the bed.

I watch them from afar, so beautiful together.

My knowledge of human sexuality may be poor but I know they're about to have sex.

In a quick and known move, he's inside her. She's on top of him, her hips dancing a mystic dance of love. I like the way she moans not too loud, like she was singing. Her breasts dancing with her hips.

She's wet of the pool's water and wet of swear. They move faster and faster her moaning louder and louder.

His hands are firm on her skin, but she doesn't seem to mind. Her hair is loose, the tips caressing her bottom.

She turns her head.

"Come Sansa, kiss me."

I love her lips, her red, so red lips. I dare touching softly her breasts, so beautiful.

They're nothing not marvelous in her.

"Put your lips on them, Sansa, and lick them."

I do as I am told. With pleasure. I can feel her skin on my tongue and my vagina filling itself with fluid.

One hand on her back, lips on her breast, the other touching my clitoris, the feeling is a treat.

This time Margaery and Sandor moans louder

"Don't stop. I haven't come yet."

They keep going and going. As they go faster, my hands do so.

I wanna be at Sandor's place now, feel what it would feel like to be inside her, my hands on her bottom, hearing her saying my name.

Now that Margaery is done with Sandor she tells me to lie down.

My legs are already open.

She kisses me on my lips, fast this time.

Her hands wander on my breasts, on my belly.

I can feel her fingers getting closer and closer.

She puts a finger on my clit. Teasing it.

Her fingers are inside now.

She moves inside faster. I cannot help but moan.

My eyes are closed but I can guess her lips accompanying her fingers now. It is not gentle. It's brutal. She eats me like a lion would devour a prey.

I love it.

More.

More.

Make me forget everything but your brutal kiss on my downer lips.

She knows I'm close but she stops.

"I wanna watch now. "

I recognize the song playing now.

I wanna be your dog by the Stooges.

"Never had a sex."

"Do you want to?"

"Yes."

Sandor looks at me. He's not surprised.

He wants it too.

"Don't hold yourself. There's no pain for a girl like me."

He's magnificent in this light. So different than Margaery and yet still beautiful.

I can feel him entering me.

I was right. The pain is light.

Compared to the others.

"Do not hold yourself."

"As you want lil bird."

"I'm sick of lying down."

He takes me in his arms and lifts me.

We're facing each other now. As he goes faster he kisses me.

It's brutal. Hard kiss.

Filled with lust. But pleasant.

Margaery is kissing my neck. Makes me moan.

We are getting faster and faster. Together.

I'm more alive than ever. Only thinking about the instant. Forgetting the past.

I want her too.

"Give me your breasts to lick Margaery."

First she kisses me. It's a passionate one this time. Tongues dancing with the same rhythm.

Her breasts taste good in my mouth. Sandor is still inside me.

It's funny. I come first.

Then he does.

We must be glorious like that.

I want this night to never end.

But the silver sun already slowly fades away.

* * *

Bad porn is bad


	4. Ru 486

Margaery is with me when we go to the abortion clinic. It's not far from her house.  
It's been a month since this famous night. Quickly understood I was pregnant.  
There's no way I'm keeping a fetus in my womb.  
Margaery and I are friend now. And lovers. Just like Sandor.  
Sometimes when we walk together and we kiss each other people look at us. But we don't care.  
Nothing matters.  
There are men in front of the clinic, they yell at us and call us whores. Tell us abortion is bad, it's murder.  
"Sorry I don't give a single fuck about what a man think of what a woman should do with her body"  
I laughed. It was a big easy laugh.  
Margaery makes me smile. And I love that.  
Everything happens quickly. An hour later the fetus is gone. It's a relief really.  
A woman outside asks me if I want help for the trauma  
What trauma. I feel perfectly fine. Even better.  
Margaery studies literature at La Sorbonne. Sometimes she takes me there and we fuck in the university's bathroom.  
_Sublime, inevitably sublime Margaery._

At night we go to Sandor's place, we drink, smoke a little, watch a movie and then we fuck.  
It makes us feel alive in a way.

Petyr doesn't ask, and that's good because I wouldn't tell him.  
We wait for Margaery to finish her year and then we'll go to Boston. Life will be better there she tells me.

"I want you to cut my hair "  
I hate my hair. They make me think of my mother.  
She cuts it very short and I like it. When I ask her what color I should give them she murmurs "No let them that way. I like it."

I tattooed my back too. A direwolf's head.  
Beautiful.

Once Margaery introduced me to her brothers. They are all handsome, just like her.  
She told me the oldest, Willas, was fond of me. But it's his sister I like.  
My Margaery. And my Sandor.  
I like them both. And they like each other.

It would be nice if things would stay that way forever.  
But they can't.

* * *

The italic sentence comes from Marguerite Duras: "Sublime, forcément sublime, Christine V"


	5. Of an island's loneliness

This is very shitty. Ill just stop. Thanks for reading


End file.
